No Such Thing as Failure

Way too many times I've spoken to mamas who were planning on having a natural birth or a medicated vaginal birth, but due to various circumstances ended up having a c-section. Subsequently, they feel like they "failed" at their birth. These feelings of failure, left unresolved, can result in postpartum depression, self-esteem issues, broken down boundaries and communication problems in primary relationships.

First of all, there is no such thing as "failing" birth. While we all may have a clear vision of what we want our births to be, there are plenty of elements that are out of our control. As long as you prepare as best you can,  you can be proud of yourself, no matter what the outcome.

This is the "letting go" concept that I try to communicate with expectant parents; labor and birth are truly forces of nature. Just like you can't harness a hurricane, you can't "control" your labor. There comes a point when you have to just give in, let your body take over and just...go with it. This comes into play in many other aspects of life: work, family, community, and especially parenthood. We can only do our best; the results are out of our hands.

Secondly, having a c-section is not a moral issue. Having one or not having one does not determine your worth, value, strength or capability to parent your baby. The pros and cons of having one aside, it is simply another way of bringing your baby into the world. As difficult as it is, try not to let harsh judgments or self-criticism color your birth experience.

Remember: Positive, happy and peaceful mamas make positive, happy and peaceful babies. No matter how yours came into the world, treat yourself with the same love you feel for them.